CK: Officer P45… great to meet you! And thanks so much for letting us film your work this evening!

P45: No worries… you’re very welcome. Glad to have you both aboard! ‘Real-Life TV’ you said?

CK: Yeah. Last year my producer asked me to run a mini-series on interesting and unusual things in the neighbourhood. And now it’s started to get a bit of a cult-following.

P45: Well, my kids love the program! Every night at seven-thirty, they’re tuned in!

CK: That’s great! Good to know people are watching! [To her cameraman]. JB, how about we start with a shot of the officer standing next to the car, smiling. He’s really got a really lovely smile! Then switch to me for the Intro… is that okay?

JB: Sounds cool.

CK: [To P45] We usually do an on-camera intro so that folks at home know what’s going on each episode.

P45: Sure, no problem. D’you want me in the shot?

CK: Absolutely! You’re the main man this evening!

P45: Okay! So, how about I stand here, next to the Police logo?

CK: Perfect! Okay, get that shot JB, and then I’ll do the intro on mic. [To camera]. ‘Welcome everyone to another edition of Real-Life TV! This evening we’ve got a real surprise in store for you, so hold on to your seats at home! But first, let’s talk to Officer P45. He’s a Police officer with the local force here in town, and we’ll be following him every step of the way. [To P45]. Thanks so much for letting us share your world with our viewers this evening, officer P45. This is the first time we’ve followed a policeman… usually, they follow us! So, what are we looking for just now?

P45: Glad to help! I received a report earlier this evening about a couple of runaways from the local farm…

CK: Oh, that sounds exciting! Does it happen very often?

P45: In the winter, not so much. It’s a lot more difficult for the animals to survive outside the farm just then. But during the summer season, we get at least two or three calls a week. What makes this evening a little special is that the couple are male and female – never happened like this before. Usually, we have one or two males, or a couple of females escaping.  

CK: Is that because the males and females are kept in separate pens?

P45: Yes, you got it! So, it’s your lucky night!

CK: Fantastic! Let’s get going then!

[Officer P45 drives, with CK in the front passenger seat with a mic, and JB in the back filming. The Police Radio springs into life every now and then].  

P45: Ten-four, copy that. On our way there now. [To CK] They’ve just been spotted a couple of kilometers ahead of us.

CK: [To camera]. This is SO exciting folks! We should see them very soon now. So, tell me, officer, what will you do with the runaways once you’ve caught them? Send them back to the farm?

P45: Have to. If we let these two go, then what about all the others? We’re talking about the farmer’s business, after all. And don’t forget, these animals are one of our main food sources. I know there’s liberationists who say we should let them go free… meat is murder, and that sort of talk. But to me, it’s just the order of things… the food chain.

CK: [Nodding]. Yeah, that’s right. Personally, I’d find it hard to be vegetarian. But at the same time, I understand why people don’t want to eat meat. And I think we should all have the right to choose.

P45: Oh, I’m sure I saw something moving over there… let’s take a look! [P45 slows down quickly and stops the police van. They all get out carefully, with the officer taking two large, strong nets from the rear of the vehicle, handing one to CK]. Here, you’ll need this. But be careful… they can bite!

CK: Okay… thanks!

P45: Shhhh! I just heard a noise! Over there… in those small trees. [JB continues filming whilst the other two tip-toe carefully and quietly towards a small orchard ahead of them. They find the runaways hungrily eating fallen apples from the trees]. You take the female, and I’ll get the male. He’s always stronger and tougher to catch.

CK: [Whispers] JB… shine your camera light over there… I’m very close to the female now. Oh, there she is!

[CK throws her net over the female, holding the ends of the net tightly]. JB, give us a hand… she’s struggling to get away! [JB puts down his camera, leaving it filming, and assists CK, helping her to tie the net securely, then returns to the camera].  
 
CK: Oh my! I thought she was going to bite me! But it’s so amazing to see them in the wild, in real life. I know we can see pictures of them on the farms, or in zoos; but here in their native habitat they look so very different. And just look at her little legs! She’s so cute!

P45: I’ve got the male!

CK: Great! Oh, the poor things are so desperate to get away! And they’re making such frantic sounds! Shhhh! It’s okay, we’re going to take care of you now. Officer P45, some people believe these Hu-Manz originate from a planet located in a distant galaxy. We interviewed a scientist not so long ago who believes their own planet became unsustainable, and the creatures set off into space, looking for a new place to colonise… and then they found us! D’you think there’s any truth in that?

P45: Well, it’s possible… maybe so. I don’t think anyone knows for sure exactly where these creatures came from originally. But either way, we’re very lucky to find a runaway couple this evening. We’ll return them to the farm asap, that’s where they belong.

CK: Absolutely right! And thank you P45 for this window into your world! This is CK for Real-Life TV, standing in the very wet countryside with two farm runaways, who will be soon safely back home on the farm with all their friends and family. Have a great night!

[JB auto zooms his camera onto the female human in the net, who whispers the words ‘Help me!’]

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